Prompted me to seek assessment
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I came across this book while I was browsing in Border's (sorry, Amazon, we bookworms *must* have our fix of hands-on book buying :-). What stunned me about it was that Liane Holliday-Willey's experiences were so similar to many of my own. I bought the book, read it, and as a result went to the Cambridge Autism Research Centre for an AS assessment. (Turns out I don't have AS but I'm not far off it.)
Biographies written by people with ASD are hugely helpful even to those of us who merely exhibit the Broad Autism Phenotype. If you have a high IQ and think you may have AS, you might well find this book helpful. It's as well, however, to realise that the experiences of people with ASD are highly varied. If Liane's experiences do not reflect your own, try reading autobiographical stuff by other people with ASD as well, e.g. Temple Grandin.
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Do you understand?
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I am diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome and compared to Liane I have been a lot less successful at having a more mainstream life. If I don’t tell people I have Asperger syndrome they think I am strange, stupid, and unpleasant. If I do tell people I have Asperger syndrome the first thing they always say is how ‘normal’ I seem despite it. I guess telling people you have AS lowers their expectations of you and the standards they judge you by, totally altering their perception of what you are like. There is no question that Liane has been more successful at living a normal life than the majority of people on the autistic spectrum manage, which is no doubt why she chose the title ‘Pretending to be Normal’. There are many thousands of people like her who have always been different but who have found ways to fit in, deep down though they perhaps feel they are not being as true to themselves as they could be… they might feel ashamed of the secret difficulties they are so good at hiding and overcoming, or they may resent other people not being aware of the effort they are putting in all the time to keep up appearances. It’s easy for neurotypical readers to complain that she was not as severely afflicted as they were hoping, or that she doesn’t fit the rain man stereotype of autism they like to cling to, but that is totally missing the point… if this book has one message it is that amongst the wide diversity of the autistic spectrum there are at one extreme people like Liane, and because the problems they experience are hidden they are in many ways more alone and isolated than those for whom they are more obvious. Why shouldn’t she tell her story? It is as valid as anybody else’s. This was the first book written by someone else with Asperger syndrome that I ever read and I thoroughly enjoyed it, though as I caution all the time, if you were only going to read one book and this one was it, it would not give you the complete picture. It has several very practical and useful appendices covering subjects like disclosure, coping strategies, and organisation. Ultimately I think this book is most suitable for those who suspect themselves AS after the diagnosis of a child like the author, but it would be an interesting read for anybody.
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Is her name Liane or Aspergia?
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'Pretending to Be Normal' is the autobiography of a woman who has a daughter with Asperger's Syndrome. When Meredith was diagnosed with AS, Liane began to piece together the autistic spectrum's misshapen jigsaw pieces and realized that she too has a place on that spectrum. This is the story of her self-discovery. The lack of dialogue in the book means that the reader never grows close to anyone other than Liane, but it is a useful narrative tool - it allows us to feel how lonely and cut off a person with AS can feel sometimes. However, the reader constantly gets the feeling that Liane is desperately trying to cram herself into the Asperger Syndrome diagnostic checklist even when the symptoms don't fit her. From my perspective as a psychology student, she is only mildly affected and is certainly not a classic case of AS - yet she plunges into convoluted paragraphs trying to convince the reader that she is one. Because she is good at drama, she declares that most actors and dramatists are 'aspies' at heart - even though research literature suggests that people with Asperger's Syndrome have a difficult time assuming the perspective of another person and that their strengths lie within the logic rather than the creative. Many autistic writers, such as Donna Williams and Temple Grandin, have written about how much fiction perplexes and puzzles them. Liane has attempted to rewrite the diagnostic manual to suit herself, and this is annoying to the discerning reader. Can't she just accept herself for who she is - a quirky, individualistic woman who has some traits of Asperger's Syndrome, rather than trying to make herself fit into every diagnostic tick box? This obsession with 'being Aspie' has undermined the otherwise very profoud wisdom about difference and disability that she weaves into the fabric of her book. I was especially moved by her exhortation to 'make time for fun, however you define it'. Her advice on atypical hopes, dreams, and aspirations is a must for anyone who has ever stepped to a different drum.
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Just One Woman's Tale
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As an autobiography this is an easy and creative read. I was raised by a mother with AS. Her difficulties make Lianne's look plain querky or individualist. This is just one woman's tale. Asperger's Syndrome can be far more difficult to live with than this and certainly most AS sufferers would have trouble talking of themselves (and especially others) with such sustained and reasoned insight, though eloquence with words is common. AS runs in my family on both sides. I couldn't help but feel Lianne is just socially uncomfortable, as so many people can be and just has her own pet querks like the majority of us! Perhaps she is at the higher fundtioning position on the imfamous 'spectrum' of this disorder. Otherwise,...Asperger's Syndrome? Doesn't sound much like it to me.
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Just one woman's experience
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As another reviewer commented, this is just one person's experience of living with Asperger Syndrome, with all the limitations that implies. LHW's writing is based solely on her own and her daughter's experiences. No attempt is made to draw on other "Aspie"'s experiences - has Willey not bothered to find out? One thing you wouldn't learn from reading this book is that the majority of people diagnosed with AS are male. Yet intriguingly, the majority of Asperger authors are female: LHW, Temple Grandin, Claire Sainsbury, Wendy Lawson, Jane Meyerding ... This ought to give Willey et al an interesting perspective on feminism, but she has nothing to say on that topic. Disappointing, too, the way LHW goes straight from describing her unhappy student experiences to her happy marriage, without any explanation of how she got there. She is obviously very emotionally dependent on her husband: is that healthy?
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