Great Stuff
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A great read, I have recommended this book to a number of friends who also enjoyed it. The Australian slang is quite strong near the beginning but don't be put off. The book is emotional in parts and amusing in others and I could relate to a number of the relationship points. The writing has an accessible style that allows you to relate to all the characters and get into their shoes.
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Heartbreakingly joyous
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This is really a book that makes your soul want to sing. Holding the Man is an unflinchingly candid, beautiful story that will stay with you forever.
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Highly recommended
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This is Tim's story of being gay, as much as it is his story of his relationship with John Caleo. It covers his recognition of his sexuality and his coming out, as well as his growing relationship with John. Despite Tim's sexuality being central to his life journey and his experiences, I think the story transcends sexuality. It deals with the issues of identity, love, loyalty, monogamy, frustration, disappointment, illness and death; things that we all deal with regardless of our sexual orientation. The love shared between them is vibrant and enduring, despite their differences. I can understand after reading the book, why it has been described as Tim's final gift to John, as Tim has written a book that reveals his relationship with John and their identities as gay men for all to see, despite John's father trying to quash those truths - which is not what John would have wanted. As Tim tells it, John knew and accepted who he was and was disappointed with his parent's denial (they told people he had cancer, not AIDS and John's father forbid any mention of his homosexuality at his funeral, as well as anything other than mentioning Tim as a friend). Tim's writing is open and honest, he is frank and insightful in his descriptions of things and this draws you in, it made me wish I had met Tim & John. It also made me feel - sadness, anger, frustration, disappointment, tenderness, joy and grief. I think that is an astonishing achievement. I welled up several times while reading and think it'd only be a person with a black heart that fails to cry when John dies - it is wrenching.
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Read the book, See the play.
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After living in Melbourne for 6 months then travelling to Sydney for a week I decided to see a play at the Opera house and luckily for me this one was showing. The play was amazing, a small production but it was just superb. As the play was so good I decided to track down the book and after going in every book store up the East Coast I finally found it and read it.
The book is a true account of Tim's life and he actually finished the book shortly before he died. Honestly I both loved and hated the book. The love story at the beginning is great but as the book reads on I disliked Tim so much i had to stop reading from time to time. It really is a fantastic book to read, a real roller coaster and definitely not your average 'love' story.
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A wonderful, yet painful story of growing up and coming out
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I agree with KJC in wishing that someone had recommended this story ten years ago! I believe it has been turned into a play which is showing in Sydney this year.
I thoroughly enjoyed the account of growing up gay in Melbourne. A lot of the things Tim remembers from the 1970s hit home with me, although the VFL references are completely lost on a boy from Sydney. I love a good coming-out story and this was one of the best, for its sheer frankness and liberty of spirit. I don't remember feeling that free with my sexuality in that era, so bravo to anyone who was able to flourish in that mindless, macho environment.
I found the narrative enthralling, through a combination of longing for my partner who was 2000km away at the time of reading, and a fascination with the way John and Tim's relationship was conducted, in a time when there was no virus and gay men had a care-free sex life and a secretive social life. I felt a sort of middle-age repulsion at the seemingly careless way Tim threw John aside in favour of the ability to shag whomever he desired, and it made me more determined to strive against this sort of thing happening to me. The blow-by-blow account of their descent into the various classic illnesses that are related to AIDS was horrifying and, in the end, I had to stop. It was that distressing.
All in all, a thoroughly enjoyable read, a salutory lesson and an authentic account of gay life in the first days of the epidemic. Great stuff.
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