LAVERN
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Since this is a very personal autobiography, I will review it in a personal way. I am the "Lavern" in this book. I was a friend of Aiden Shaw's (real name Aiden Brady) for 6 years. Aiden is a self confirmed amoral hedonistic nihilist. That's not hard to deduce from this book. "Self centered"is not an adequate description. Me, me, me. The other person barely exists outside of his needs, his wants, his fantasies. Treating others the way in which one would want to be treated has no meaning to Aiden. Unfortunately, abuse of self and abuse of other people rules the day. Hopefully, he has found some measure of real love in the person of his longtime companion David Logan (real name David Michael).
The so-called "accident" was not an accident at all. It was a suicide attempt. His friend told him several times that a car was approaching, with plenty of time for evasive action, and yet he didn't budge. I know this to be true. His relationship with "Luke" wasn't fitting the IMPOSSIBLE fantasy he stubbornly demanded of it and out of frustration he lashed out at himself. Childish, not child-like.
Aiden is an amazingly charismatic person! There is some other-worldy energy about him, but it is used for purely selfish gratification. I learned much about personal communication, grace, style, cleverness and wit from Aiden, but when he turns this energy in an abusive direction it feels like a vampire has sucked all the blood out of a person. This finally happened to me, and I gave it back to him in spades! Usually people let him get away with it. I didn't.
His first book "Brutal" was also an autobiography, regardless of his public pronouncements otherwise. I know beacause I lived much of it and appear as a composite character in that book, introducing him to Transcendental Meditation, among other things, when we were good friends. "Brutal" is brilliantly written prose containly an accurate description of the ferocious and nearly unparalleled night life in London at the beginning of the 1990's, when he was 23 to 27 years old. (5 stars!). The ensuing "novels" were boring (no stars). "My Undoing" has flashes of that same brilliance, but only flashes.
Lavern
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Review For 'My Undoing' by Aiden Shaw
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This book was so powerful that I havnt been able to get this man out of my head, I could of easily read the whole book in an evening but purposely only read two chapters at a time, giving me time to think about every gritty detail! His language and delivery in writing such personal subject matter is both powerful and sensitive. His robotic attitude to sex and drugs on one hand is the height of debauched escapism (allot of us do it, including myself!) but contradictory when he falls in love and wants more. It had me talking to the page "dont do it, dont do it" but then of course we do. I couldnt help being amazed at the extent of this mans drug intake, he would literally take drugs to sleep, stay awake, go to the gym and have sex! A truelly gripping story of love, sex, prostitution and drugs and poignant comments on the gay scene and gay people in general! His relationships with his closest friends are genuine and heartfelt, their experiences one might think crazy but always endlessly entertaining. Many lines and scenes from this book stand out, but the most interesting has to be when he says that he just wants someone to hold him, seemingly you can have everything, looks, a big cock, money, stardom, great friends and notoriety and the one thing is lacking is being held and ultimately love! His no bullshit account of the plastic people he meets through both work and being famous is astutely sincere. A triumph, it must have been exhausting to write as emotionally this has its foot hard on the trottle! It had me knowingly laughing in one chapter and crying in another! I have just been on to amazon and ordered all of his books!
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Moving and insightful
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I would actually disagree with an earlier review because I believe it does let you know about Aiden Shaw. Although it may only offer a short peak at his psyche My Undoing reveals the vulnerability of someone who has made a career from his alter ego, letting you get a brief glimpse of the real man inside whilst providing a very moving and frank insight into a world that most of us only view from our couches. This is not an erotic novel it is a genuine and frank account of one mans journey. The only negative point I can make is it starts mid flight and I for one would love to pick it up from the beginning.
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The man behind My Undoing
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This autobiography doesn't so much let you get to know Aiden Shaw, but takes us on a headonistic ride through Shaw's work in the porn industry.
Whilst recapturing time spent on shoots, parties and taking drugs (which becomes repetative), we do eventually get a glimpse of the people in Aiden's life and the affect they have on him.
For me, the most interesting part of the book is surrounding his near fatal accident. Here we see a insight into his day-to-day life, a life away from the superficial world of gay porn. The downside of the book is that we never really find out why he turned to prostitution and why he made a career out of something, that in hindsight, I'm not sure brought him happiness.
If you want to take a behind-the-scenes glimpse of a world which most of us will only ever experience via a DVD, this is the book for you. But it's only when you talk to Shaw that you get an insight to the much deeper, creative, talent that is the man behind My Undoing.
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A LIFE OF UNREQUITED LOVE!
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Being a writer, I know the consequences of getting a Ms to the agent/publisher on time and I have a feeling that this memoir needed expert planning to achieve the goal on being in bookshops on celebrating one's 'Life begins at 40' chronicle!
Its a book that does not reveal the 'life and loves' of what the Irishman achieved in his professional life and one wonders whether he was completely happy with it?
We follow him through various locales like, Los Angeles, San Francisco, New York & London and the life that late he led seems to be one of the pressures of work and unfilled romances.
Being, to some extent a porn legend, obviously has its - excuse the pun - ups and downs and I felt that a lot stemmed from his upbringing in a religous Catholic family that followed him through all those wandering years.
His truth about his Positive HIV status and with his near fatal car accident shows an immense courage and conviction on his life and his understanding now from all those years in the gay adult world.
He shows respect and understanding and hopefully, there is a life at the end of the tunnel and I wish him well.
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